The past... It always has a way of making me reflect on myself and others around me. In this personal post, I won't mention names. The people in question know who they are, and they can contact me if they have any concerns. Everyone else reading this will hopefully understand that I need to get a few things off my chest. Let's begin.
The lady who now works for the power company
I remember you from anime club. You seemed cool at first. I was even pleasantly surprised when I discovered that you worked in the lawn and garden department of my current place of employment. Graduating college and moving on is a concept that all of us embrace. However, I also remember the not so pleasant things about you.
Like when you interrupted me in the middle of my attempt to articulate and convey an argument, because you weren't comfortable with the subject matter. Yes, I fought back tears. Threatening to throw your money on the table at the eating establishment in Dallas and leaving hurt me on the inside. I also remember how you removed me from your friends list on Facebook after you asked a question (possibly in jest) and me responding with a link that implied that you might need help. I asked about it, and you made some BS claim about cleaning up your list due to an old slow computer. I should have been clued in when you referred to a professor that I hold in high regard as a very deragatory term... one that feminists wouldn't care for.
Those you consider false friends.... Remember when you told them, "Well, you're more his friends anyway..."? I believe you said that to a couple of my friends as you were moving away after they indicated that they would like to remain in touch. I'm pretty sure that they didn't feel like a friend of yours after that. You left mega retail for a local job only to want something better later on. You move away from the town that you've been a resident of for so many years in order to get to something that you feel may be more fulfilling.
Then you expect a couple of my friends to fawn all over you when you decide to "grace" them with your presence? Why no hugs? One of my friends in question is going through medical issues at the moment. A hug was the last thing they needed at the moment, especially when they are normally the type that only trusts their spouse when it comes to touching. Then again, talking to somebody as if they were a small child probably didn't help matters any either. You claiming to be nice is but a mere mask that you wear. The moment that someone calls you on it, you twist everything. I should have started seeing it a long time ago, but alas. I am naieve.
Thank you.
You showed me the difference between pretending to be kind to others and actually meaning it. You also reinforce my policy against removing any more friends from Facebook unless a conflict of interest would force me to do so. I would like to hear you out regarding your side of the story when it comes to somebody you broke up with, but I also remember the nonesense that you pulled on me a couple of times. I can't just forget about that.
Allow me to give some unsolicited advice. Tone it down on the drama, will you? Your ex has a life of their own now, where they're gainfully employed, engaged to one who he cares about (and one who returns those feelings from what I umderstand), and takes care of his lady's son as if he were his own. Now you're in a relationship with somebody else and from what little I could gather, you two seem to be quite happy. The ex has moved on. Why don't you do the same?
To the one who tried to act like my father
I will never forget your actions so long as I live. Yes, I opened up to my family and my friends about what happened during the final year and a half of college. You may attempt to claim that it was all a game publicly. After all, that's what you told me to tell others in case the "big secret" got out. Ironically, you did play a game, but it was with each person's life that you encountered. It was those games that caused a rift between people that could have been good friends. Perhaps one day, I will be able to repair some broken ties.
You obsessed over a girl that no longer wanted you to the point where you asked me to break into their e-mail account. That was not cool. Whether it was that or your intervention in January of 2011 that caused me to want to stay away from you, I will never know. I do know what finally convinced me to do so.
Things had been going wrong with me last summer. Not only did I not get to move in with a group of people that seemed almost like a family, but I was not to be a dear friend's new room mate. I wanted to get out of that old apartment so badly. Then it happened. I had enough and decided to find a new place come hell or high water. I found that new place on the first try. The location and type of building was well suited to what I was looking for. It was a Monday night in late August.
I had been moving things with the help of my mom. Then you called pitching a project idea and wanting to "inspect" my new place. The next morning, I drew the line. I needed to settle in where I was at. I also needed time to myself without being disrupted by your presence. Around you, I started becoming something I didn't like. I see that now.
It was a gentleman in Florida who once stated, "Be who you want to be, not what everyone else wants you to be." I was losing my own identity to you and your so called mission to "help" people. What about what I wanted in life? What about my website? My hopes? My dreams? They almost spiraled into nothing. Almost.
The one who helped me was the one that told you that you needed to get your own life. It was the same person who told you that it was not your place to tell me how to live my life. I'm now rebuilding myself. It'll take time, but I'll get there eventually. I have made some progress, but there's always room for improvement.
The anime club's future may be uncertain at the moment. However, the membership will now get to determine the direction they want to go and possibly move the group back to its original intent. They will do just fine without your molding or mine. It's their group after all, and they should do what they want to do.
With that said, you need to know one more thing. I've heard about how others will never talk to you ever again as if they hate you or just "forget" about you. I refuse to forget about you, because you are a part of life's many lessons for me to learn. In short, I don't hate you. I never will.
I may disagree with your past actions. Hating you will get me nowhere. The last time I checked, you were engaged to somebody you found to be special. I hope it works out for you. I also wish you the best of luck in finding a new job that you can be fulfilled at. Finally, I wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavors. Living for yourself can be challenging, yet very rewarding. Keep up the good work, and please... for God's sake... finish your website.
As for the individual who wanted a "country boy" instead of a real man...
You can run. You can try to hide. People in this town know you for what you are. You looked at my friend and told him that he wasn't country enough for you. You then shack up with somebody who is old enough to be your father. You're still attempting to control my friend by using a small child as a weapon. That isn't right.
The bad part is that you know what you're doing is wrong. Yet you isolate yourself from other people, because you know they would disagree with what you're doing. There are times in which I can be flexible when it comes to infidelity in a marriage. This isn't one of them.
Your husband, unlike another friend of mine, did not have diabetes, schizophrenia, and bi-polar disorder at the same time. He was quite sane, had his own identity, and was an overall good person. He still is to this day. Yet you chose to hide behind smoke screens and lurk around other peoples' profiles online. Then you seek to control your current husband despite you two being separated.
As far as I'm concerned, he can date whoever he wants. He can do whatever he wants so long as he doesn't harm others. What difference does it make? You two are separated. If you can shack up with somebody who's nearly in their 40's, then my friend can live his own life thank you very much. Ironically, I am thanking you.... for bringing a friend back into my life.
All that I ask in return is that you stop walling yourself off from other people, stop trying to control my friend, and be more mature about the situation. If he wasn't what you wanted all along, then let it be. For goodness sake, get out of that trailer you're in. It's probably riddled with mold. If you're worried about baby clothes, go to the clothes closet (south on 13, Variety Center). It only costs a couple of bucks to get as many clothes as your son needs. Stop wasting your money on brand new clothes when he's only going to outgrow them anyway. Oh, and don't blindly follow WIC literature. Instead, ask others who have actually raised children. Save up your money and actually move somewhere that's decent. It would only benefit your son after all.
To the ones who hated me last year
They say things come in threes. Well, I'm being a nonconformist. To the guy that was shaking in anger and frustration at me. To the lady who was upset with me. I am sorry. I was a pawn in somebody else's game and I sincerely hope you weren't their pawn as well. I see that one of you is now president of the anime club. Congratulations. I hope it turns out well. I may not be able to attend most meetings this fall, because it's an election year. However, know that I am stockpiling some anime (Central Pawn and Muttly's has an interesting selection). In other words, I'm rediscovering anime itself. Also know that I am no longer a part of a certain circle that resides on the other side of this state. It's been several months since I last spoke to the person in question. I wish you the best of luck.
Conclusion
I have my own life now. Thanks to all the above and more, I am learning more than a textbook can ever teach me. For that, I am grateful. I will continue to be as such while I am defining myself the only way I know how. I'm truly looking forward to my 30th next year. Thanks for reading.
