Is it a reference to a certain faction in professional wrestling that became legendary? Am I talking about the main elements in our own existence? The corners of the globe? Four is a significant number for me.
Four months.
That's how long my first relationship lasted. That was a hell of run, but it was time for it to be finished. The lady friend's greatest dream was to be a mom. Problem is, I don't want kids. I'm not the parenting type. Never have been. Never will be. She saw it coming too.
It was the high school reunion in Leeton, Missouri. I brought her along with me. I caught up a little bit with everyone, and things were going well until one of the kids started to cry. Children crying grate on my nerves and put me edge. I don't deal with it very well.
I described how I could cope in some instances when she said, "You better get used to it, 'cuz if we're together long enough and we get married, we're having kids!" It felt it like I was shutting down on the inside. I'm not mad at her for that. I'm grateful that she woke me up. For too long, I've been compromising who I was just so I could get into a relationship. Thanks to meeting this person through a mutual friend, I understand fully.
I even told her that to her face. Text messages and Facebook notifications were not appropriate in this instance. I had to explain in person. She understood. She saw it coming. She'll no doubt be a bit sad for some time. Like I told her, "It's not the end of the world, but it is important." Who am I to deny her the future that she wants? If I don't want kids, then being with her as a significant other would have only hurt her and myself.
That, and I have my own future to worry about. If another person comes along, I will be more up front in that category. Chalk it up to another life lesson learned. Now I can start moving on.
Oh and by the way, we're still friends. :)
