A few tears came out of my eyes. I was still able to go to work that night and survived into Monday morning. Anticipating that I was in a dark place, my friend Jason offered to have lunch with me. I told him I would let him know. Upon trying to take a nap, I was met with more sadness. Streams of tears came out of my eyes. Apparently enough negativity was in my system that it was due for a flushing or face the threat of backing up (also known as a nervous breakdown). Fortunately, I was in the flushing phase.
After having lunch at King Chef, I took my friend back home. Due to the fact that I was not in a good place so to speak, lunch was on him. He knew that I needed somebody to talk to, and talk to him I did. I also talked to my mom that day. You see, I had picked one hell of a time to feel that way. I was due at the city council meeting at 7 PM CST to request a response regarding a request to allow the citizens of Warrensburg to petition initiatives themselves instead of relying on election cycles to change the direction of the entire city.
Despite my realizing that feeling like there was nobody for me was a feeling that I loathed, I was able to pull myself together thanks to Jason and my mom so that I could speak to the city council. On Tuesday, I enjoyed food at the Copper Cyote (that's what others get for complaining about their controversial sign), dessert at Dairy Queen, and watched the Amazing Spiderman. I ended my night with a trip to Boone's Farm.
So apparently I've gotten to the point that the darkness inside of me is almost totally gone. I saw the following image posted on a friend's Facebook timeline. Read it below, because it will reveal what I've been looking for in a significant other all along.
After reading that image, I had an epiphany. Someone to wake up next to, to eat breakfast (or other meal) with, etc. Someone to share things with was vague as all let out. What about something more specific? Specific as in someone who completes me? At the moment, I still feel like a puzzle that's only half way complete. The other pieces are missing, and they are pieces that I can't find on my own. Nobody can help me find them. I have to let the pieces find me. So what are they?
- Willingness to wake up next to me every day (or night depending on the situation), to eat together, play together, and live together.
- Acceptance of me as a person along with my acceptance of her (whomever that may turn out to be) as a person.
- Understanding that I have no intention of becoming a father; I do not want children. If a potential other wants children, then it's not meant to be.
Combine those pieces with the text in the image above, and you'll have a more complete picture of what I am wanting in a soul mate. I do believe that a soul mate exists for me, but I can't find one right now. It's not my time yet. I also can't keep doing this to myself regarding the dating scene. Why?
Whether the other person gets annoyed, creeped out, or even hurt would pale in comparison to the fact that I usually hurt myself the most. I'm tired of that feeling. The good news is that I can truly begin to let go now and move on with my life.
